Updated: Dec 16, 2020
It’s not common that we look around ourselves and seriously look at the people in our lives.
The relationships we have with friends, lovers, family, co-workers and acquaintances are usually formed and then kept for a reason, a season or a life timeline. But what about those people in your life that you’ve accumulated but just don’t make you feel good? Do you ever notice your energy is drained when you’ve been around certain people? What if you were to reflect on every relationship in your life and see if it’s adding value?
This is not to say that all relationships need an intense purpose, what I’m talking about is looking closely at the relationships that you might keep out of obligation or habit. When we really look at the impact that those around us have on our lives, we can start to notice a pattern and an effect that can alter our perspective. It’s never easy to let go of a relationship, even a friendship, however if that relationship is no longer serving you for the good you need in your life then is your happiness worth sacrificing for the sake of another?
"You can still love another from afar and wish them well."
This exercise of looking at every relationship you have is about your life and the experience you want to create. You have the ability to design your life exactly how you want it and it’s true that sometimes we need to let people go and move on without them. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t loved or cared about, it just means that you are taking a different path in life and that your once shared values, hobbies, perspectives are now no longer aligned. No-one is right or wrong, better or worse – it’s only a matter of looking to the future and seeing what type of people you’d like to surround yourself with.
Let’s take for example that you’ve decided to start getting fit by eating healthier and exercising more. So with that your routine will change, instead of late nights out at the bar with friends and waking up with a hangover you now prefer to go to bed early so you can wake up refreshed and ready for a morning group workout class. However, you start to notice that your friends are making comments that you’re not being social, you’re changing and you're “too dedicated and strict” with your new routine that you’re no longer fun. I’m assuming this would make you feel guilty and sad that your friends don’t think you are fun and that you’re changing.
"What kind of friends would you like in your ideal life?"
Well guess what, you are changing – we should all be evolving and changing for the better. This doesn’t mean that you need to cut your friends out of your life just because your activities and hobbies shift, but what it does mean is to look closely at whether your friends are wanting the best for you. What kind of friends would you like in your ideal life? Are they friends that support your new adventures, even if that means they get less time with you on the outset? But they are so happy for you because they know you’ve been wanting this change for a while and they are proud that you’re committed to yourself and your dreams.
Who do you surround yourself by?
Understand that friends and relationships will drift into our lives during different moments, they will help us in the time we need and then they will move on when the time is also right. Most people try to hang on to relationships that are no longer adding value to their lives because they are scared of making new friends or being alone. What if by aligning your relationships with your current values you are opening space for the possibilities of everything you’re striving towards?
Ask yourself if your relationships are adding value to your life, however if they aren’t see if that can improve and if not decide if that energy and time is something you would like to expend or invest into things that do add value into your life.