Lemme ask you a question… “Do you believe everyone has the right to ask for what they want and desire without shame and guilt?”
You know the answer to that question is yes, bish! So, here’s the best part *drum roll please* YOU are included in “everyone”.
Yup, you have the right to demand, claim, ask for what you really f*%king want. Full stop. (or period for my North American folks). You don’t need to justify why…not to yourself, not to anyone else.
“What you want, is what you want! There ain’t no shame in that bish!”
There are quite a few layers to demanding what you want, so let’s break them down…
an insistent and peremptory request, made as of right.
"she confidently demands what she wants as she’s no longer settling for less"
What’s your definition of the word “demand”?
For me it means not settling for less than I know I am worthy of. Voicing my wants and desires without shame and guilt. Being confidently patient and not acting from a place of scarcity. Demanding for me signifies a mutual respect as you gotta walk that talk! When I talk about demanding what you want, I’m not talking about being demanding, rude, entitled, aggressive. No, no, no, it’s actually the opposite. It’s coming from a place of peace, love and intuitive wisdom. Basically, what I’m saying is when I demand what I want, I know it’s value and importance to me. Which is why I’m able to stand strong in my conviction and confidently ask for what I want! So, words have powers bish and if the word “demand” doin’ it for you, choose a word that does empower you to confidently ask for what you want without shame, guilt, or worry. If it resonates with you better, you could use; claim, insistent, need, require…choose your poison.
“Your brain doesn’t know the difference between an actual event and an imagined experience!”
How deep do you want it?!
Bish, why does my mind always go to the gutter? Ooops! Having a deep understanding of what you really want is key. Ok, say for example Peggy wants a waterfall of f*%king epic potential clients being referred to her. She knows that will fulfil her desire to buy her dream house mortgage free as a legacy for her family. She knows what she wants and why she wants it! Start with that clarity, what do you really f*%king want and what’s the deep value behind it? Now let’s take it even deeper…this is all about the dirty lil specifics here! What does YOUR want look like? Feel like? Taste like? That taste of success and satisfaction! The problem is Peggy can’t imagine all those epic clients lining up begging to work with her, so how is she supposed to demand nothing but that high standard of clients, who pay on time, are fun and quirky, who appreciate her professionalism, and are always early to meetings because they value her time? All those specifics is what takes you deeper into visualisation. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between an actual event and an imagined experience! So, being able to daydream what it will feel, imagine seeing those notifications popping up on your phone from those epic clients asking to work with you, you’re priming your brain seek out the opportunities to create this experience happening for you. Get specific, imagine it all so vividly, multiple times a day until with a blink of an eye you’ve put yourself in that moment.
“They don’t deserve to be in your sphere, if they aren’t supporting your dreams.”
Unpacking those f*%king emotions
For the all the years I’ve spent in therapy, learning about neuroscience, diving into psychology books, unpeeling my own emotional onion, so to speak…for all these years, with all this knowledge and experience… feeling heavy emotions still f*%king sucks! Let’s be honest about it, I could say “every emotion is valid” which it is, “I am a human experiencing human emotions” and that’s true. I could say “there is a deeper meaning behind this painful emotion” and bish ain’t that the truth, or sometimes “there is no explanation for this feeling” cos feelings aren’t logically. But self-soothing and regulating your emotions deserve its own blog post, so look out for that! But what you can do today is start to unpack those unpleasant feelings holding you back from demanding what you really want.
Why do you feel guilty? Are you responsible for another’s response? *In case you’re wondering, no, no you are f*%king not! Repeat after me “their response is not my responsibility!” Got it* Is it shame that’s got you by the balls? Are you worried about being humiliated as when you demand what you want then everyone knows your deepest desires? STOP BISH, right in your tracks! If you received everything on your wish list and people had a problem with that, would you return it all just so others would like you? I sure as hell wouldn’t because if those people meant something to me that would be celebrating my successes with me, and if they judged me for it, then they have done me a favour by showing their true colours. I DO NOT have space, time or energy for bishes who do not support, lift me up, and have a positive influence in my life! Do you? Bish bye! They don’t deserve to be in your sphere, if they aren’t supporting your dreams!
Here what I want you to do, for the next 7 days write down all the emotions that arise when you try to visualise your desires. Don’t judge these emotions, as they are valid! Just simply write them down and walk away. After the 7 days, reflect on all the emotions you felt around your desires and notice any common themes, do these emotions come up in other areas of your life? What surprised you the most? What do you think these emotions are trying to do? If they could talk to you what would they say? What emotion would empower you to demand what you want? How can you cultivate that? Creating the time to unpack your emotions that are currently holding you back from claiming what you truly desire is a powerful action to getting what you want.
"If you have time to worry what others are thinking, then you don’t have full focus on what YOU really want."
You deserve every desire! You are worthy of every want! You inspire others when you grab your life by the horns and f*%k what others think! Get clear on what you really want, why it’s important to you, choose a word that empowers you, visualise it happening with specifics, unpack those heavy emotions. This is how you start to demand what you want, because when your focus is on where you’re heading, you don’t have left over attention to worry about what others might say. If you have time to worry what others are thinking, then you don’t have full focus on what YOU really want. Demand what you want because you deserve it, bish!
“She confidently demands what she wants as she’s no longer settling for less.”
Love Jane xxx